Three on a Match Plus Three

One strike on a match is acceptable: two strikes you could be pushing it. Three strikes on a match you're simply asking for it. Try with six on a match and you've only yourself to blame. In these five cautionary tales - plus a tongue in cheek lecture on the delights of erotica - the characters take it upon themselves whether to strike once, twice, thrice or - if they dare - even more. Does flamboyant florist Stephen Bremmer truly warrant his "floribunda" ending and do Richard and Charles deserve their forced "abdications" as the wannabe monarchs of Lake Como? When it comes to practising what you preach perhaps Crispin Amberley would have been wiser reading E. F. Benson's MAPP & LUCIA instead of John Preston's MR. BENSON. As for dilettante artist Nigel Haggard and his comrade-in-charms (resting actor Janet Orbit) and their eventual candlelit vigil for ex-stuntman Dan Danvers: poet Thomas Gray could not have been more succinct when scribing 'Tis folly to be wise." To quote Benny Van Wyk, jovial editor of LIEWE DIE LEWE: "Never believe everything you read in the papers." Which, reading between the lines, could mean the alleged sightings of mass murderer Sem Smeets and his sidekick Sophie, being something of an enigma.