My wife put me on this F**king Diet

DON'T PANIC, this isn't one of those boring, sadistic, prisoner of war diets. "THE F**KING DIET" is WAY DIFFERENT, because it's a WIN/WIN DIET. For each pound you lose, you WIN TWICE. 1. YOU WIN WHEN YOUR MIRROR SMILES BACK. 2. YOU WIN WHEN YOU GET LUCKY IN THE SACK. How does it work? Here's the skinny. First you and Wifey agree on how many pounds she wants you to lose. THEN YOU GET LUCKY. WHEN YOU LOSE A POUND...YOU GET WEIGHED...YOU GET LAID. "THE F**KING DIET" is not only LOADED WITH LAFFS, but it also gives you VALID DIET INFO, REAL CALORIE LISTS, EXERCISE TIPS, SMART DIET DO'S AND DON'TS," PIN-UP REFRIGERATOR SIGNS, "10 SKINNY COMMANDMENTS," and lots of SEXY HINTS like, HOT TO TURN YOUR WIFE INTO AN ADORABLE DANGLING CARROT. In other words, get ready, you're about to LOSE YOUR POT BELLY and YOUR LOVE HANDLES, while you MAKE OUT LIKE A BANDIT (IMPORTANT: This diet also works wonders for WIFEYS, BACHELORS, COUPLES, SINGLE GUYS, GAY FOLKS, you get the idea.)