Let's Talk about Money

When it comes to what couples fight about, money is the number one thing couples argue about. Financial issues can take its toll on a relationship and arguments about money are the leading cause of divorce. Long before they realize they're living beyond their means, couples tend to battle about abusing credit cards, conflicting priorities, and different philosophies about spending, saving, and investing their money. When couples fight over money they tend to blame each other and anger and resentment build.

Money is a touchy topic for most couples. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to deal with issues such as unequal assets, layoffs from work, and credit card debt. Disagreements about finances are usually not really about money but about our dreams, fears, and insecurities. Our relationship with money starts in childhood. We all have a story about money which includes myths, misconceptions, and habits. When our histories, attitudes, and beliefs about money collide with our partner, sparks can fly. If this "Us against each other" mindset doesn't change to a "Us against the problem," high-conflict can become perpetual and a source of chronic tension in a relationship.

Most couples discuss money all the time as in: "Please stop at the ATM on your way home," or "Don't forget to pay the cable bill." But most couples don't have regular money talks that are intentional - with a goal of improving communication about finances. Studies show that when couples have low-conflict discussions about money and healthy financial habits (such as spending less than they earn), the ups and downs of marriage can be less bothersome. Couples will have more harmony if they understand their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about money and how they match up or contrast.

Learning how to talk about finances is a critical way for couples to protect their relationship and strengthen it. Often problems like financial infidelity are a symptom of deeper issues that lay hidden for years. Financial infidelity can be defined as consciously or deliberately lying to a romantic partner about financial behavior or history. It's a situation when one partner intentionally hides a money-related secret from the other, expecting that it would be disapproved of. Talking about money can be tricky - even when couples have been married for a long time. It can make people feel tense and defensive so many couples avoid it. Many of us were raised by families who told us that talking about money was impolite, or that our personal finances are private and should not be discussed with others.

This book brings real-life stories of couples who have successfully navigated these issues and have achieved financial health. In short, my book focuses on bringing harmony to couples so they can create financial intimacy and have a more successful relationship.It teaches couples the skills needed to recover quickly from hurt and miscommunication and shows them how to be emotionally attuned to one another, rather than avoiding discussing money or experiencing perpetual tension or high conflict about finances.

A Couple's Guide to Money: Low-Conflict Conversations About Finances, offers advice to couples who are married (or in any other long-term relationship or partnership, really) who want to achieve their financial goals, navigate the most common challenges (income disparities, credit card debt, different financial styles, saving money), and prevent divorce. I also help couples troubleshoot difficult issues such as financial infidelity and managing conflict.

My two previous books were about divorce and remarriage. For my third book, I decided to tackle the struggles that couples face with finances because it's the number one thing that couples argue about. And high conflict about money often leads to marital dissatisfaction and potentially divorce. These pages will not be focused on all of the technical aspects of finances because there are other resources (like financial planners) for that. Those things are important but you can save for retirement and make investments and still have tension and high-conflict money conversations.