Ask Me How It Works

'Deepa is the epitome of a woman living in her power. Ask Me How It Works provides a stunningly vulnerable and poetic glimpse into her most intimate spaces and through her journey to sexual liberation. If this book doesn’t change your perspective on relationships, nothing will' GILLIAN ANDERSON

'A memoir that offers a candid and insightful perspective on love in all its forms' STYLIST

'Raw, vulnerable, and unexpectedly relatable' EASTERN EYE

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Here is my husband.

Here is my boyfriend.

Here I am.

In the early hours of dawn in Amsterdam, Deepa Paul rises from her boyfriend’s bed. She gets dressed, slips away with a kiss and cycles home, where she is welcomed into the arms of her husband, whose contentment is mellow alongside her own. There isn’t a glimmer of shame, deception or guilt, only the honesty and compassion needed to make this kind of life possible — even if it wasn’t always this easy.

You might have questions. Whose idea was it? What are the rules? Are you ever jealous? In this memoir, Deepa offers her answers openly and tenderly, as she explores the truth to questions of her own. Can I ask for what I want, and still honour the life I have chosen? Do I deserve it? Is it worth it?

Unexpectedly relatable and joyfully vibrant, this is one woman’s story of discovering her own desires and how to liberate them, of shifting identities from mother to lover and back again, and of finding the courage to ask for the marriage she wanted, beyond the marriage she had.

One question at a time.

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'A spectacular memoir written with verve and style' NANA DARKOA SEKYIAMAH

'An honest look at how to navigate multiple partners and motherhood. Expect to have your preconceptions rattled' STYLE

'A fascinating and big-hearted portrait of sex, intimacy and non-monogamy' CLOVER STROUD

'Reads like a long-overdue conversation with an old friend, will leave you thrilled and humming with possibility' YAEL VAN DER WOUDEN

'A brave and elegantly executed memoir about the power of writing your own rules, shaking off shame and fighting for a marriage to work' THE SUNDAY TIMES IRELAND

'A generous-spirited, imaginative exploration of how to live life differently' REBECCA WAIT