But I Love Him

ZeniaRA 24/08/2014

Rating: 3.5 QUOTE: "People don't understand us. They don't understand me. They think it's so black and white, that he makes me miserable and that I should be with someone else and that I deserve something else.  But it's not black and white at all. It's gray. It's a never ending world of gray." While thinking about what to write in this review I have come to realize that I like this book better than I thought.  It has so many hidden depths and therefore I can't really decide if this book deserves 3 or 4 stars, and that's why it gets 3.5 stars.  I don't know how to describe this book, it's not horrible and it's not wonderful ... it's gray (Something in the middle) In the beginning I was a bit confused by the cronological order of this book, because it begins with the end and ends with the beginning.  But after finishing I think it's brilliant! I totally understand why the author chose to write the book that way.  Like this we as readers can't point at the moment where Ann and Connor's relationship went wrong, and then you realize that it isn't black and white. It's not just one moment/thing that leads to an abusive relationship and it's not just easy for the victim to walk out of it.  When I finished reading the book I wasn't very moved by it. But when I started searching for the quotes that I marked while reading it, I was indeed very moved. Because now I know how Connor was like in the beginning of their relationship and it's just so sad to see how broken both of them have become in one year.  I actually liked Connor and I know that you are not supposed to sympathize with the abuser, and I'll bet that wasn't the author's intentions at all. But I just found him very likeable.  Deep down Connor is a really sweet person, who would have been great in another life. If he hadn't been abused as a child, he would have grown up to be a totally different person and that's why I can't be angry with him for how he treats Ann.  QUOTE: "'Sometimes I think I spent forever waiting for you,' he says. 'My whole life, I've never had someone like you. Someone who doesn't have to be there, but is anyway. Someone who wants to just ... be with me because they want me. For me. Not because I'm your brother or your kid or anything, but because you choose me.'" And Ann, I can't be angry with her either. Before reading this book I would have called her weak, but now I wouldn't.  It's easy for people on the outside to judge, but if something like this happened to them and the people they loved abused them. Then they probably wouldn't walk out on them either, they would hope for change and try to help. Just like in the case with Ann.  But I feel bad for her, though. Being in a relationship with Connor has completely broken her.  QUOTE: "But even when I stop crying, even when we fall asleep and I'm nestled in his arms, this will leave another scar. No one will see it. No one will know. But it will be there. And eventually all the scars will have scars and that is all I will be, one big scar of a love gone wrong." I really liked this book, and I would recommend it.  The reason why it loses stars is because of the lack of a story.  This isn't really a story, it's glimpses of a relationship. And I know that the story is there and the readers have to put the pieces together and make the story themselves. But I just like stories.  And I know that the author couldn't really have done this book like this (showing the relationship from beginning to end) in a story - that would have been a REALLY long book, but it would have been a great book!  I think this book needs to be read twice to get the whole experience of it, and that's why I'll read it again right away